The summer of 2016 was a legendary summer for me: The first time I was single after a long toxic relationship (Note: We were toxic for each other, not only she for me but the other way around as well.), the first time I flirted with girls again, the first time I experienced 'De Gentse Feesten' while living in Ghent and a more monumental progression throughout August was reconnecting with an old friend whom we shall call Johnathan.
(Citadelpark Ghent, 2018)
Johnathan and I both started studying to become music teachers in 2014. He was a bit shy but after one class we started talking and had lunch together. We noticed we had a lot in common including a good mutual friend, my guitarist Tom. Johnathan is an amazingly talented singer, guitarist and beatboxer, besides that he is an extremely smart and kind person. However he had his own demons and quit college after the autumn break. I was left behind on my own. (I would suggest you also listen to 'On My Own' by 'BaiKalina' on spotify. It's a song about the very same person, ghostwritten by my guitarist, Tom.) I had no real best friend in college and just hovered around some people for a while. Back then I was still in my toxic relationship and I had a tough time opening up to people and going out with new people. All of that would change in May 2016 when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. I remember going back to the apartment which I shared with her to pick up the last of my stuff to move back to Eeklo. On the train to Ghent she had sent some really mean text messages and seeing how the break up was recent I was panicking a bit. I phoned two people up: Luna and Johnathan. I hadn't spoken to John in a while but I knew he would understand. After two months he also broke off his relationship of three years and in August we started going out to The Hot Club a lot. We were each other's wingmen and were equally matched in our puns. A beautiful friendship bloomed.
(Hot Club, Ghent)
In my new place in Ghent I had a blank poster on which people could leave a message. Johnathan left a self-written poem in Dutch on the poster and I started translating it into a song. I messed around with an alternate tuning EADGBD I had learned from a Neil Young song 'Cortez The Killer'. The tuning is perfect for playing songs in the key of G major as it adds that extra D in there. It sounds especially rich when you make a regular C major 7th shape with it, transforming it into a C major 7th add 9, enough music nerd talk, back to the story. I found the duality of together, divided excellent for some vocal harmonies and asked John to sing a second voice, my best mate Florian to play the bass in the recording and my guitarist, Tom to play some guitar solos in it. I recorded everything on my Boss Micro B8 and mixed it in Audacity so the song wasn't really where it needed to be. Although I wasn't really complacent with the music, I still think 'Never Alone' has some of my most beautiful lyricism to date. We'll see if the future can change that.
(Sint-Niklaaskerk in the fog: Ghent, 2016)
In October of 2017 I moved in with Johnathan in his apartment. I had my final teacher's practice so I wasn't around that much, but when I was there it was always fun. However, his girlfriend at the time was worrying him and one day I got a desperate call from him in tears telling how he had broken up with her. I consoled him, cooked for him and let him feel his emotions. He had it rough but I stood by him. After I graduated I went to Rome with him. Something happened there which I will not write in much detail about to protect his privacy, but it was something quite mundane and unimportant in the eyes of many people I've talked about. After the trip Johnathan started avoiding me. I recall having somewhat of relationship with a girl and at one moment in time something just felt wrong. Normally John would always help me in my emotional endeavours but seeing how he ignored me purposefully I had no choice but to break this off on my own. I biked in the cold to Merelbeke one Monday morning to explain to this girl why we shouldn't be together. She was just as mad as my ex about me breaking it off. (Note: I was together with this girl for 1,5 months, I was together with my first girlfriend for 2 years and 9 months.) After that walk around the lake in a park in Merelbeke she said she never wanted to see me again. I later found out she was now dating a girl. I felt like Ross in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. but I digress. After the break up I asked Johnathan what was wrong and he explained he didn't like living together anymore. He wanted me to move out, had already talked to his best friend behind my back that he could move in after me to cover the rent. John said that everything would be better again if we lived separately. That we would be able to go back to The Hot Club like we used, like the good old days. Of course, it wouldn't be a realistic story if things went that way.
(The Birth of Adam: Sixteenth Chapel, Vatican City)
After I found a new place I had called up and texted Johnathan a few times but he was never as responsive. This went on to the point of completely ignoring me. It was only a year later that I found out why he really wanted me to move out. At first I found it was a strange reason, but I respected him and sought out a reason inside myself, my own being, why I might have hurt him like that. After I saw him a second time I told him that whatever I did wasn't done on purpose and that his ignoring me had hurt me tremendously. He had no idea that I didn't hurt him accidentally. Of course he had never asked me or communicated about it. A beautiful friendship had wilted and bled to death. We both didn't have the need to see each other anymore after that. After all these twists and turns in our story I know find that the song which was once about a really strong bond has gained a deeper layer, an extra emotionally heavy barrier wrapped around it. It might seems a transparent innocent song at first but it will always remind me of how good our friendship was but how Johnathan ignored me, didn't communicate with me and basically ended up being someone I couldn't bare to be friends with anymore because, even though he felt hurt, it was me who was abandoned by him once again. I was once again, on my own.
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